Unlearning Is Uncomfortable, And That’s The Point…

Growing up, most of us didn’t learn gender roles through lectures. We learned them through silence. By watching who sat down after dinner and who didn’t. 

By noticing who was expected to know where things were in the house, and who never had to ask.

No one explicitly said, “This is a woman’s job” or “This is a man’s responsibility.” Yet somehow, we all understood.

Let me tell you the story.

I grew up watching my mom do all the house chores. In our society, it was normal for women were for the house, men were the breadwinners, and because of that, men held the power to control everything.

Because of this, my mum never let my brothers help with chores. And for that, I used to fight with her:

 “Why don’t you let them do their own work? They’ll just burden their wives later!”

Even at lunch, if someone needed something, it was only the girls’ duty to get up and serve. Brothers were never allowed.

When men are asked to do house chores, they often feel insulted. When women ask for help, they feel guilty. Not because it’s wrong, but because it’s unfamiliar.

House chores were never really about ability.

Men were never incapable of washing dishes, folding clothes, or cleaning rooms. They were simply excused from it.

And women were not naturally better at managing homes; they were quietly trained to carry that responsibility.

But fast forward to today, and everything has changed.

After my father retired, he transformed our house. From making tea to washing dishes—he does everything. He set higher standards and broke the stereotype that housework is only for women.

He makes breakfast while we go to work, washes the dishes, cleans the house… and in doing so, he showed me that men can take part in building a home, but society often traps them in rigid roles: thinking about what to eat, what to wear, education, and responsibilities.